Tuesday, November 09, 2004
The Vice Regal Comments Award Winners.
(1) Overall top comment. An 8 X 10 framed print of a highly appropriate cartoon signed by the Governor General.
Partisanship aside, you'd at least expect some level of competence but everything the current US junta handles just ends up dented, with dead batteries and covered in a thin film of oil.
It's a fcuking sad state of affairs for the City On A Hill when his Dad and Nixon start looking good by comparison and the best employee hiring option now offered to Americans is: "Vote Kerry. At least he knows his arse from a hole in the ground."
Mind you, speaking as an Aussie, we're not being offered that much of a better choice ourselves in our upcoming elections.
Or as HL Mencken once said, "Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats."
These are sorely tempting times. (As posted here at The Poor Man)
... and to make a certainty of it Nabs was nominated for this one too.
This debate is so 20th century. The city states that most of us crapping on here live in, exist because of a mixture of “left” and “right” attitudes and policies, and thrive ‘cos of a massive below the line web of public/private arrangements, treaties and standards ranging from IATA to ISO that keeps the process of globalisation glued together.
Whereas half-arsed muddling through, based on a combination of trade/making a buck and “let’s get together to make this a nice place to live” has worked for thousands of years and will continue to do.
Left and right is what people arguing at the fringes call each other- while so many of us just go about living in mildly political, technocratic city states that juggle public funds against pressure groups to build hard, soft and social infrastructure while assuring highly mobile global capital “we love you long time.”
Real life isn’t an ideology like communism, capitalism, libertarianism, socialism, isolationism or internationalism, it’s an ongoing process of pragmatism tempered by ideals and vice versa.
Although I do believe the State has no business telling us who or what we can or can’t fuck, worship or ingest. That’s purely up to how we each decide to live in the society that each of us want to live in. (As posted here at Troppo Armadillo)
... then there were these two in quick succession over here at Boynton.
Damn, speak for yerself ladies.
I came over here to escape all the testosterone bitchiness of the blokey political blogs, only to find you hairsprayed harpies dissing the local barber with his trusty shears and staple-detached copies of 'The Australian Post" and "National Geographic".
Where else could I keep up with the latest developments for the Ettamongah Pub and the threat to puffin colonies on the Isle of Rhum, while also being trimmed off the top and tipped about a nice little stayer in the second at Flemington?"
My apologies ladies for the “hairpsrayed harpies” phrase. T’was meant jocularly, in context, in character, in…oh bugger it, I was drunk.
Anyhoo, finally saw the Coens’ “The Man Who Wasn’t There” the other night. Classical barbershop shit.. and some serious voudoun shit too – which must have involved raising James Wong from the the dead for the some of the most stunning B&W cinematography I’ve ever seen.
But yer I’m old enough to remember being young in an old barbershop chair. Part of the appeal was being a 12 year old hearing unrelated grownups talking about manly things and happy to explain some of them to you in a reasonably unpatronising way. “Well sonny, handicapping a horse means that you take some lead…”, “Raquel Welsh? Well sonny, it’s like this…”
That means a lot to a twelve year old who’s Mum left him there with strict instructions for his tonsure.
Jozef sums up
the variables that led the judges to their decision.
"I nominate Nabakov because his wordsmithed alphabet seems to
be used as retaliation on any thought-provoking website. There is
no boundary with the Lolita charged name. If Google is to be
trusted Nabakov comments have been read by those on the left as
well as the wrong side of the political spin. To boot, he is
reproduced, even plagiarised on Antipodean, Amerikan, Asian and
even European webdiaries. Nabakov is almost like the confetti at
the Big Greek wedding."
(2) Funniest comment. A laminated 8 X 10 signed print of an appropriate cartoon.
"Elegantly dragging a rhinohide briefcase (shot by Rupert
while on safari some twenty years ago) with an extenda-handle,
forcibly maintaining the aloof air of it not being there at all.
Quietly whistling “How Great Thou Art”. Wearing a
light purple cravat and women’s underpants."
As posted here at BACK
PAGES.
(3) Most vitriolic yet civilised comment, or to put it another way, the most civilised yet vitriolic comment. (Update:- Comments dripping with vitriol, spleen or irritation – with or without civility now qualify.) (Bile is the new green.) A laminated 8 X 10 signed print of an appropriate cartoon.
‘You have no tolerance for those whose views differ from yours’
Some views are acceptable; yours aren’t. Hitler’s differed from mine, and I assume from yours. Would you tolerate his?
‘Quod Erat Demonstrandum’
Wanker.
‘Moreover, I’m pleased to inform you that I won’t be leaving Australia’
All parasites need hosts I guess.
As posted here at Public
Opinion
http://www.sauer-thompson.com/
(Pithy honorable menchens went to Yobbo: "Fuck off!" and little tim: "Sorry, forgot I was dealing with a spaz.")
(4) Comment displaying a complete ignorance of the topic upon which the comment was posted. (Update:- Common or garden ignorant comments – on or off topic – are now in the running to get a guernsey.) A laminated 8 X 10 signed print of an inappropriate cartoon.
There were only two nominations in this category and the judges invoked The Genevieve Convention Rules of Engagement weasel clause 15, sub-section 3b, expanding the category to include comments most likely to elicit widespread sighs, gnashing of dentures and groans.
... and the winner is TONY T, for
his unrelenting word-plays.
http://aftergrogblog.blogs.com/agb/
In addition to the high marks awarded for his execrable puns, Mr. Taylor collected additional elephant stamps for his assiduous practice of personally attending to each of his commenter's contributions.
One judge noted that he suspected that Mr. Taylor only responded to each of the comments in order to assail unsuspecting blogophiles with puns for which in most civilised societies, people were hung, drawn and quartered.
As there may be young impressionable minds reading this who might be enticed into a life of criminal word-play, we have decided not to reproduce the actual comments here, however a representative offering from Mr. Taylor (from a much larger and more horses-frightening body of work) can be seen here at Ms. Boynton's.
(5) Comment most deliberately off topic. (Update:- Now includes comments which by either design or circumstance lead the comments thread around the block, up the garden path or under a tree into which the word “DIG” is carved.) A laminated 8 X 10 signed print of an even more inappropriate cartoon.
http://dox.media2.org/barista/
"Don't think breasts. Think ageing man-tits. Sometimes the passage of time is really scarey, though my partner says I am holding up alright. True love is a wonderful thing."
As posted here at Sailing
Close to the Wind.
http://scttw.blogspot.com/
(6) Comment most likely to elicit a widespread WTF! response. A laminated 8 X 10 signed cartoon print.
Gianna,
According to N.Z. Bear John Jay Ray’s Blog
(“Dissecting Leftism”) ranks about 290 out of 3
million.
MSN Search has 12,000 odd links to his blog around the
Web.
Your blog isn’t even known to N. Z. Bear (ie, its not
in the top three million).
MSN Search suggests that there are two (count em, two) links to
your blog – in the entire Web!
I just wanted you to know how insignificant your voice is.
When you go to N. Z. Bear to check your ranking take a look at the top ten or twenty (or thirty – whatever) web logs by traffic. Why are they all those nasty conservative right wing death beasts ?
Actually, don’t bother. Your poorly developed intellect is unable to cope with that sort of cognitive dissonance.
Go back to your soft left dreaming.
Meshugganah.
Robert Blair
Posted here at
She Sells Sanctuary.
http://she-sells-sanctuary.blogspot.com/
(7) Blogger whose posting threw up the winner of overall top comment. A laminated 8 X 10 signed cartoon print.
http://boynton.ubersportingpundit.com/
(8) Owner of the Blog which consistently attracts the best comments, be they tragedy, comedy, history, pastoral, pastoral-comical, historical-pastoral, tragical-historical or tragical-comical-historical-pastoral. A laminated 8 X 10 signed print of an appropriate cartoon.
JOHN QUIGGIN - johnquiggin.com
(Whose commenters are sage beyond their years – apart from baby-boomers whom we all know, know naaartheeng.)
KEN PARISH - Troppo Armadillo
(Whose commenters are many, informed and passionate.)
TIM DUNLOP - Road to Surfdom
(Whose commenters are many, informed, passionate and frequently amusingly vexatious.)
CHRISTOPHER SHEIL - Back Pages
(Upon whose blog comments during the election shattered long-standing records – and dreams.)
Winners (includes blog owners on whose blogs the winning
commenters appeared) should email
Government House providing an address for the forwarding of
prizes.
(Despammer by SpamBot.com)
A c/- address is O.K. if winners don't wish to be entered in the vice-regal "We know where you live" dossier.
All details supplied will remain strictly confidential and will not be supplied to any third party. (Other than to Lord Robert Maxwell-Lucan of the Nigerian Central Bank, who has supplied us with impeccable credentials and cast iron undertakers.)
Our gratitude goes to the anonymous judges (recommended to us by Senator Heffernan) who resisted manifold promises of fame and fortune – and the constant threat of libel writs – to undertake the onerous task of evaluating the entries.
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